I try to pay my major bills for the next month a few days before that month begins. These payments, due their amount, usually come out of my savings account rather than my checking account. This month was no different. As our mailman does not have a definitive pattern I try to get the mail out before 10 AM. Yesterday I got the mail in the box around 9:30, or so I thought. This morning I went out to mow the lawn and while walking the mower out of the garage I saw some trash strewn across the yard. As yesterday was trash day I thought nothing of it and went to pick it up. It was when I approached the trash that I recognized what it was. All of my bills that I had put in the mail box had been removed, envelopes opened and checks removed. The bills in that batch of payments were my cable bill, my mortgage payment and my credit card bill which still had charges from the whole honeymoon fiasco. Overall the checks totaled over 1500 bucks. So someone had gone through my mail, taken the checks and fled. In hindsight the silver lining was that the idiots actually left the evidence behind, as if they didn’t I would have thought the checks were in the mail and nothing was wrong. Needless to say this morning was full of hysterics as we called my mother in law who is a loan officer and she instructed us as to who to call and such. In the end we cancelled the credit card, closed the bank account, filed a police report, notified the post office, wrote our home owners association and called the mortgage and cable companies. We did not expect this in a neighborhood as nice as our but I guess that can happen when you live towards the entrance of a neighborhood. I look forward to hear about the idiot that laundered my check and tried to cash it at some bank, I hope they get arrested, connected to a greater crime and skull fucked in jail! I’m not bitter, just don’t fuck with my personal property….after all I was raised in Jersey and when we get angry we get vindictive. During the police report Lauren mentioned that in her traditional check on the mail after she returned from work the previous day, the checks were still in the mail box. So the crime probably occurred over night, which leads to lesson 1: If you are mailing from your home, bring it in over night if it wasn’t collected that day. The second lesson was learned at work when a coworker mentioned that this crime occurs in Florida all the time and that is: Drop all mail with checks included off at an official post office box. That should be easy as I can pass a post office on my way into work. Now I just have to watch my credit as the mother in law said that people launder the checks, duplicate them and try to spend them. Even if the account is closed it can affect your credit as the creditors will come after you about the closed account. That is why we have a copy of the police report in safe keeping. So in short, please take this as a public security message and if I ever catch the ass that did this to me I will hog tie him, throw him in my crawl space, call the boys up and go Pulp Fiction on his/her ass. I got a lot of woods behind my house…….things can disappear damnit.

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